So as you already know, the phone calls never stopped. I mean I was this name and that name. Now at this time, I was still trying to stay cool. As hard as it was. I mean I had to get away, right? All the abuse physically and mentally. I mean I believed I did the right thing. Well, at least somewhat. I was still wavering in my mind if I made the best decision for my son. I mean it was just me and him now. I had to do this all on my own for real. Man, reality sat in real quick. You know what I mean? I would call my son’s father and ask him for certain things for our son. You think he help? Lol. Absolutely not! He kept his word by not doing anything. So I had to come to grips with the fact that I was a single parent now. I never thought I would be here. I thank God that I was around church people that wasn’t just members of the church; instead we was like a family. I really needed that at this time. So even though I was dealing with all of the craziness that was around me, I was still in the Word building my spirit man up. I remember every time things would look like it was going good all hell would break loose. Man, it looked as if I could never get a break – the phone calls, the name calling, and the grandma calling talking crazy to me. I mean didn’t even understand her reasoning. But she was doing the same thing he was doing. It got so bad that I wouldn’t even answer my phone anymore. I would have so many back to back voicemails of my son’s father cussing me and then calming down and back to cussing me out. It just had got ridiculously out of hand. He would get mad at me because I wouldn’t bring my son to him all the time. I mean he could have made a way to see hisson just like I made a way to take our son to him. So you already know that all of that was my fault, right? lol. My son use to know when I was talking to his dad because of the arguments. That really bothered me. I had to change what I was doing. So I stopped arguing. I know. Yeah, it was just that simple. Don’t get me wrong, he definitely would try my patience. But I had to stay strong for my son. No, it was not easy at all. I had slipped back a few times. But hey, I’m not perfect. God was still working on me. So I started to let my son go see his dad and his grandma. I mean I knew I couldn’t keep him away forever. Neither was I trying to. I wanted him to have a relationship with his other family. Things seemed to be going alright….until…….
I put my name where Abram’s name was. When I felt down or lonely I would refer to that scripture. It really helped me a lot. Some days were really hard and some days were just okay, but I made it through. I was still juggling school, my son, and living with people from my church. I put all my frustration into my school. I was so determined to finish school. I wanted to show my son that it didn’t matter where you were in life you can still go to school and do good. I was on the dean and the president’s list a couple times during school. School was really like my escape goat. When I was at school I didn’t have to worry or think about nothing but school. The couple that I stayed with was really a major part of me getting close with God. They would help watch my son while I went to school and they genuinely wanted to do it. They didn’t want nothing in return. After a few weeks of being there, my son’s father started calling all the time telling me to come back. How he was sorry and wanted me back. He didn’t mean none of the stuff he said to me……
You know I remember how hard it was going from hotel to hotel not really knowing what was going to happen next. But the one thing I did know was that I had to act as if nothing was going on in front of my family, my son, other church members, and friends at school. I know what you’re thinking, “How in the world was she able to keep a smile onher face with her head held high and always staying positive?” All I can say is that God had his hand on me even when I didn’t understand that he did. I kept looking for a job, but no luck there. One day a lady from church came up to me asking me have I ever worked with kids before. I told her no I haven’t. So she told me about a job opportunity at a daycare. I went and applied for the job of course. And low and behold, I got the job. I was so excited! It was a full-time job and my son was able to go to daycare for little to no money. I back in the game making money now. I was working, going to church, and going to school. Life seemed to be looking up for me. One day I’m at the hotel with my boyfriend, of course we smoking, and I was still talking about the word of God. Lol. Then an argument started and, of course, he was ready to fight me for whatever reason. This time I called my pastor and told him what was going on and how I think it’s really time for me to leave him now. My pastor says” okay, no problem, just give me two days to talk to the couple before we do anything.”I had to keep myself together for two days until I got an answer. So one day, me and my son got up and went to work. While I was at work enjoying my time there, I got a phone call from my boyfriend telling me he is about to have another women at our hotel. I assumed he wanted a reaction from me, but he didn’t get it. I politely said “okay, that’s fine and another woman can have you.” Then I hung up the phone. I called the pastor and he said everything was a go with the move. He asked was I ready and I said yes of course. A lady from church came to pick me up from work that day and we went back to my hotel room……
Even in the knowing something had to change I was ready to give up and quit. In my mind I’m wondering what in the world was I doing. How was I going to survive like this. Mind you I never been away from my family, the homesickness was real okay.. Oh not to mention I was in an abusive relationship. I know your asking what were you thinking coming to Atlanta with someone who is abusing you. I asked myself that question also. I just know that it was Gods plan in getting me here to Atlanta. Every time I would talk about going back everybody would tell me NO don”t come back. You can make it. So with that being said I had to put my big girl pants on. I got up the next morning with a whole new attitude. I went to apply for school, and yes your thinking how are you going to be able to do that with all the stuff you got going on… I did not know either, all I knew was that something had to change. We ended up getting an apartment, everything seemed as if everything was coming together with this change and all the other things I had been dealing with during this time period. I was definitely not living the life as a “Christian” that’s for sure. Smoking, drinking whatever it took to keep my mind off of the stuff going on around me. I got excepted in school. I started putting all my feelings and anger into my school work. I still was able to keep my grades up, take care of my son, and try to take care of the household.
I started to look for a church home. Going from church to church. All I knew was this can’t be the way God wanted me to live. God had to have a different plan for my life.. Didn’t find any church that I really like. The more I worked hard in school the abusive my sons father got. One afternoon two strangers came and knocked on our door. Of course I sent my son’s father to the door, I was in the bedroom (smoking). My sons father comes into the room saying there is two people at the door and they want to know if you want to rededicate your life to Christ. I said I didn’t want to at this time. I told my sons father to get rid of them. He goes and tell them no we not interested. He came and said they not leaving until they pray for me. I got up irritated because who are these people and why wouldn’t they leave my house. I got up to go get prayed for and to rededicate my life to God. Not realizing my change began that day…..
Let me start by telling you a little bit about my background. I came here to Atlanta about fifteen years ago from Kalamazoo Michigan. Now mind you i have no family in Atlanta. All my family was in Michigan. I decided to up and leave. It was me my son and his dad. Now we left a nice house paid for up to a year in rent. When we got here we stayed with my sons grandmother with the intentions to stay until we got on our feet . We ended up moving into a hotel. We only came to Atlanta with three hundred dollars to our name. I was walking out on faith and didnt even realize what I was doing. Of course you know the three hundred didnt last very long. We went from hotel to hotel. Not really having allot of food to eat. All this going on with a three year old child. I was told i would get a job as soon as i got here, that was not the case. I continued to look for a job. Finally I got a job at sonic. Still money was still tight. I new then something had to change…..
Hello world, My name is Alicia Eiland and I am starting this blog to help single mothers that have found themselves in tight situations. Not really knowing how you going to make it. Moving from a different state and trying to survive. My goal is to share my story so someone can be blessed by it. To encourage women out here so they will know that they can make it even when everything looks like its against you.